a r c h i v e .

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Fucked From Birth Tour

Alright alot of shit went down, this was probabley the wildest tour so far i can only write from my perspective but this is what went down in my world...at least what i can think off the top of my head

So the tour kick off was completely fucking perfect, it was the last show at the hell house that i had the privilage of spending the last six drugged up drunken, halfway mentaly fucked, haunted, rat infested, twisted up puked out rain flooded cum bathed blood soaked months. It had a decent run. The tour kick off show its self was spent from my angle very numb in the throat and face and piss drunk... A fuck ton of people came out Violent Ruler, Snake Piss and anthropophagus all killed it.

Before the fucking van even left park street it had 89 beers in it, as far as i know at least 10 grams of coke and somewhere around 50 hits of molly. So that should get us through the first week easy.... The first show was in olivehurst, pretty decent turnout we played fine sold a few threads so that was cool...we drive to Oakland.

We stay with our good friend Jack and his fuckin whackjob wingstop employee, michael jackson fanatic roomate and his babysmomma for a few nights..... right off the fucking bat you can tell this dude is not happy at all about us being there, what the fuck do we care? so we fucking drink. and drink... and drink like we do. Were up all night. The next day we go to SF, jack off at the lusty lady pick up some super dust off and huff the fucking day away, drink some booze on the steps of the full house huff a little more, check out the house charles manson recorded his folk songs in and tripped acid looking for aliens in the bell tower on top. Shit was tight then we go to gilman for lewd acts show, keep huffin... drive back to jacks house for a party.... we get there the fuckin keg is damn near dead... but we score some mushrooms eat those a fight breaks out shits funny... huff some more. I fuckin pass out in the van, wake up to everyone saying we cant stay there anymore and the dude just pulled knives on everyone over an argument about weather Metallica or Michael Jackson is better? haha like seriously how fucking funny is that shit? im still fuckin boomin' when they tell me this shit and i cant stop laughing.... i dont know what the fuck goes on but the kid ends up goin to bed and everythings cool again?? ha? so The next day we play Gilman, we wake up and go to a bar around the corner from jacks that we heard rumors that Matt Pike works there when he isnt on the road. So we go check it out, about fifteen minutes after bein there he walks through the fuckin door lookin like shit and probabley still drunk(exactly how i was hoping he would look again) We get to talkin and he shows us the brand new High On Fire(we are some of the first people IN THE WORLD to hear this shit AND were listening to it with Matt Pike! I do a rail with him and box out in the back and now its time to cruise to the show... Show was alright got pretty fuckin drunk....huffed some more and snorted some really sweet sugary tasting bright blue aderol....a little more huff. We get done and find out Behemoth are playing downtown at slims.....Fuck it! box an Jack kick down some cash and get us all in! They were fucking brutal and when they got done Nergal shook my hand and just staired straight into my eyes....im pretty sure he saw my future, he didnt tell me what it was. Back to huffin.

Wake up eat some churches, cruise to fresno... meet up with the old man, chain smoke, get back on the road. Get to the show Buy more booze, huff more shit, puke, huff, puke, play. Cruise to LA crash at our friend ADAMS Apartment for 2 days, and the rain storms are starting to hit. wake up the next morning somehow a huge bottle of beefeater and 60 more beers show up, lines are cut out molly is spread around everyone is fucked off and passed out before nine. Wake up, huff, cruise to san diego the freeways are fucking flooded....im talking three feet of rain! get to the show its at a bar its lookin kinda shitty, a little while passes and a little booze is consumed and its a fucking party! We play great and in an hour its morgans birthday.

Wake up Cruise ALL fuckin day to tempe stay with our friend steave and his buddys everyone was cool as fuck everyone drinks everyone gets drunk.. you know how this goes....motherfuckers are tryin to breakdance and cartwheel and shit... i cant sleep so i go for a walk about a half mile into it i have to shit and im far from everything and this fucker aint holden up. So what do i do? i take a shit on a wall, walk a few yards twards the first building i see, wipe my ass with my underwear... look up at the sign over me and read that im standing naked with shit all over my ass infront of a preschool and a church! I wish i had some shit to huff then! so i split and sleep. The next day we play at the slurp, shit was way fucking cool a few friends from landmine came out as well as our buddy rhodes.. go back and stay with our friend from TOAD and smoke this shit called "Gods Gift" passed out.

Next day drove to Flagtown... This is where shit gets fun. There is somewhere around five feet of snow on the ground. We get to the cottage house way early and chill all day. It gets dark and people starting showin up and before i know it i can find my fucking band. So sit there in the kitchen with my thumb in my ass waiting, completely sober and hating it. Get a bottle of vodka from the white one, pound that fucker.. instantly waisted and we play a fuckin awesome show, kids in flagstaff dont give a fuck about anything except a good time! it gets a little haizy... i black out and wake up freezing in the van, i have no idea what the fuck is goin on and i feel wierd as shit. I walk into the house and am informed that everyone we are with(eight of us, including myself) ate a new chemical that is a DMT extract but lasts 12 hours(super acid---"bobby hill") I dont fuckin remember doin it but, My mood increases! before i know it im tripping off my fuckin ass and im havin a fuckin blast the van is magically driving circles around me and box and i dont give a shit i just laugh and plunge deep into an acid binge..... hours go by and i realize i havent seen james, morgan or miles for like 5 fucking hours?! whatever, fuck it. After a while of box showing me a halfman half sheep that was born somewhere in india or some shit and a sketch of the meth addicted front flipping gorilla i was hanging out with when we first started to tripp the cold starts to set in and the sun finally rises...... usually when the sun comes up youre, for the most part done with your trip..... not this time.... morgan and james show up.. Miles is still missing and we met a new friend through the night nammed savannah that says we can go to her house across town! great! lets fucking go!...... so a taxi is called....taxis wont come to this part of the town at this time in the morning with this much snow on the ground....fuck. So the eight of us hike to the bus station. Now this part i felt was so fucking funny becuase you got this pack of kids who are completely out of their minds on bobby hill super acid ziggy stardust mania, walking down the street while the sun is just coming up and no one is out an we are all dressed in black and pale faced and it just looked like a fuckin manson concert. Like seriously wasted youth written all over it... so fucking funny.... We get on the bus, head to her house... the white one cant stop barfing everyone is still tripping(keep in mind this is just about 12 hours later at this point). hours pass, shits getting wierder and wierder and everyone is fucking delirious... me and john ride the bus back to miles(he ended up at the show house) we get in the van.... start driving to the other house and i suddenly have to shit terribly bad. I go on a fuckin quest to find a bathroom and the only one i can find has to people sitting in both stalls telling jokes to eachother and they wont leave.... my acid kicks back in a little harder an i start panic becuase im about to shit my pants in front of everyone.... i find a KFC run into the batrhroom, blow it up and for some reason everytime i got into the bathroom i would start to trip alot harder? all day this happened... so i look down and i have shit all over me as well as blood and my thighs are covered in bruises.... i blink my eyes a few times and everythings cool.... bobby hill is fuckin wild! We drive around flagtown for About an hour and a half looking for the house before we find it again. Everyone is still tripping and we have a 13 hour drive ahead of us the next day so we shut off the lights stare at the cieling for about 12 hours and just get up and go... cruise a long boring drive to denver, realise we have huffed all the is to huff, my mood de-creases.

Get to Denver play a cool show, slam some 40's of steel... drive drunk. wake up cruise to salt lake.....

Drive all fuckin day get to the show in Salt Lake and immediatelely can tell this show is gonna fuckin rule, all the kids are getting fuckin waisted there is gear everywhere and everyone is cool as fuck.... show went great we got a place to crash got super fucked up and passed out woke up hungover as shit walked to sev had to shit bathroom is closed end up begging an indian reservation boys and girls club if i can shit in their bathroom.. get in the van morgan almost hits a school bus, play some black jack in the van cruise to boise...

Get to the show, there is a ramp set up humming bird of death, jument and bone dance are all playing so you know the night is gonna fuckin rule, rack some tall cans get fucked up, play pretty fuckin decent secuirity guard gave me pizza people gave me smokes once they saw me scroungin around ash trays for re-fry's i guess that freaks people out? Dudes in Bone Dance let us crash at there pad, Van gets broken into nothing is stolen wake up make a new window out of gorrila tape, cruise to spokane.

Play more black jack, get to the show.. walk straight to the bathroom.... get caught jacking off...go out side... finish jacking off bahind a camper....unload gear. Play, steal someones burrito, do drugs go to a party.... told we could stay there, kids not stoked try's to charge us to stay...we split.. get a hotel... sleep..wake up everyone gets caught stealing...laugh... drive shaft is completely fucked... fix it..skate... cruise to Tacoma.

Get to the show and its a fucking party! i instantly have to shit again(it might have to do with my over consumption of cocaine, booze, taco bell why i had to shit at the worst time?) Walk around looking for somewhere to shit end up in another fucking boys and girls club........unload... play everyone is into it...get free fucking pizza again! cruise up to Seattle to stay with our pal liz...

stay in the van..do more drugs... go inside sleep. Wake up... go jack off at the lusty lady...cruise to the show..steal some beer/jerky/coffee cake...catch tags....get too drunk pass out during the first band 2 feet away from the stage... wake up... play shity(like real fuckin shity)... hang out in the rain and watch morgan fondle.....pass out in the van...fire works are goin off... everyone is arguing....bikers are tryin to kick jakes ass... im smokin pot and cant help but laugh...fuck it. wake up somewhere between 2 and 5 hours later in the van in downtown Seattle i have no idea where anyone is, my phone is dead im soaking wet and freezing cold and still fucked up.... find liz's house.... puke....sleep...wake up... puke...sleep(this goes on like 6 more fucking times).... wake up cruise to portland....

The show is lookin cool, More Than Heroe's kills it then we play(only the third time i have ever played sober in this band.....its different, thats all i can say) we did great... Blue prints for disaster play and are fucking bitchen! kids buy some threads make a little change from askin people with a held out top hat....get to our friend tylers house...munch some javiers...sleep.

Wake up steal some uno cards, shoes from the goodwill, and get fucked up all day... everyone goes to tity city... i walk around, end up shiting in a playground...go to bed wake up to a story about how everyone went to a party after the strip club and got in a fight...pretty funny.... cruise to redding...

boring ass drive, get to the show(last one of tour) tons of kids our friends infinite war hooked it up.....get my free drinks....drink the redding ritual lastnight of tour 2 litre of whisky...play a great set everyone was goin off, kids buyin shit up... sniffed some people out found some drugs, sniffed the drugs. Drink more, puke, drink, puke, puke, puke pass out... wake up in Reno.

See you next time